The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i believe in u and ur pee
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
