I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
