Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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