I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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