who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
