I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
