LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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