it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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