Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
