I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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