God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
