His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
