Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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