Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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