BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
