i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
