I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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