Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
