I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
