Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
dude. I can hear the air.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
