based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
