Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
