there's paper in my vomit.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
