Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
