So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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