sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
