What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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