You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
