i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
ttyl tear gas
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
