Small penises have feelings too.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
