OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There are leaves in my underwear?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
