I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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