Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
