And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
