not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
