god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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