i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
