Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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