You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
