In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
