3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
