WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
