fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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