Jerry, you need to find god
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
