sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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