Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
