I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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