ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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