maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
