she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
