all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
