hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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