god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
