put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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